While Dom was growing up, his whole 6 years, i would always avoid telling him about death, sadness and troubles. Partly because he was only a child and once you begin to address adult issues thats when their innocence is partly gone. Not only is Dom only 6 years old but he is also a 6 year old with Aspergers and i was never too sure how to explain to him these sad milestones.
About a week and a half ago a very dear and close friend to us lost their battle with brain cancer. Her name was Jasmine and she was a pure angel. I worked as Jasmine's one to one aide and through her battle with cancer our families got close and Dom played with both Jasmine and her younger brother. As Jasmine got sick I would mention to Dom that she did not feel well and couldnt play and he did not ask any questions. I also organized a fundraiser for Jasmine to raise money for medical bills and I called it a "party for Jasmine" and Dom did not ask any questions either.
When Jasmine passed i did not know how or when to explain this death to him. In her last few weeks her family moved across the country to California so i didnt have to mention it to him and he wouldnt have none any better. This past weekend the family of Jasmine were going to celebrate her life by releasing pink balloons and eating cupcakes in her honor and i just couldnt do the same, this is when I decided to tell Dom the truth.
As i sat Dom down to tell him about Jasmine, i was a ball of nerves. I held Dom's hand so that i could have his full attention and told him that i had very sad news for him. I told him that Jasmine got very sick with a disease and died. The look on Dom's face was very unforgettable. I could see that he was thinking and trying to wrap himself around what i just told him and then the questions began. How old was Jasmine? And i said 5. He then said, but she will never know her 1st grade teacher? I said no, she will not. He then said, but how can she die I thought only old people died. As he said this I knew that i had to pick my words very closely as to not scare Dom about being sick and dying himself. I told him that sometimes people die when they are old and sometimes people get diseases when they are young and cant get better. He asked me the question that I dreaded and said, will i die young too? I said that you are healthy and that you do not have anything wrong with your brain so you are fine.
I then mentioned that to celebrate Jasmine we were going to release pink balloons up in the sky to heaven. Dom then said i think that will make her smile, and i agreed. As the days passed Dom would randomly say how sad he is that Jasmine died and how he wishes that she didnt have to die. He even asked if the balloons we released in the sky reached heaven yet and i said Yes.
Right now I feel that Dom is handling Jasmine's death ok, i am not sure if he fully understands it, but i am trying to answer his questions and reassure him that its ok to ask questions and taking it one day at a time.
We miss Jasmine alot and hope that she is at peace, in heaven and eating many chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting while chasing her pink balloons!
I’m so sorry your Dom had to experience death at such a young age. My grandson and I witnessed the stillbirth of his baby sister, Eliana, when he was only three years old. Thinking he couldn’t grasp the concept of death, I explained that God needed a baby angel and she was perfect for the job. He seemed to understand and eleven years later he and his mother and brother continue to celebrate her birthday every year with a cake, candles, and balloons at her gravesite. I think he was very brave at age three to hold his baby sister and tell her goodbye.💔
ReplyDelete